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Resources For Grief Blog

Welcome to this online journal for caregivers to the dying or bereaved—important and challenging work, for sure! My goal is to support you by providing inspirational thoughts, pertinent resources, and suggestions for self-care. With appreciation for all you do!

- Rebecca Hauder

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Ask for Help!

August 6, 2017

"It's not the load that breaks you down; it's the way you carry it."  ~Lena Horne


A fellow parishioner called recently to ask if I would bring a meal to him and his wife. Knowing his wife was suffering the effects of chemotherapy had prompted me to make offers previously, but he had always declined help, until the day he courageously reached out. I was pleased he called, as preparing a meal was a tangible way to assist.


Asking for and accepting help is difficult! Who likes to be dependent on others, especially if there's a chance they won't do things our way or according to our standards and timetable? But thinking we can or must do it all ourselves is a counterproductive trap, one that most of us have fallen victim to at one time or another. The reality is, we will achieve more than we ever could on our own by enlisting the help of others! And those we call on are likely to feel honored we asked. Nonetheless, I think it’s important to keep in mind some common-sense rules of etiquette before soliciting another’s assistance:


~ Pinpoint what needs to be done and approximately how much time it will take.

~ Try not to pile on other tasks when someone comes to assist.

~ Say thank-you. People are more apt to help again if they feel valued and appreciated. ~ Finally, congratulate yourself for asking!

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