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Welcome to this online journal for caregivers to the dying or bereaved—important and challenging work, for sure! My goal is to support you by providing inspirational thoughts, pertinent resources, and suggestions for self-care. With appreciation for all you do!

- Rebecca Hauder

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Choose to Forgive

Choose to Forgive

March 5, 2020

 Forgiveness isn’t something we do for others, we do it so we can get well and move on.” ~Anonymous

 There is no peace without forgiveness ~Marianne Williamson

“My dad was never there for me as a child, and now I’m supposed to take care of him!” “My mom is disrespectful and rude, and yet I continue to care for her out of guilt!” My co-worker never lifts a finger to help, and I’m annoyed.” “Some days I am harried as I give care, then later I get down on myself.” 

 These feelings of animosity, resentment and self-blame are all too common, adding to the day-to-day burden of caregiving. They keep us chained to injuries of the recent or long ago past, robbing us of energy and pleasure. Forgiving others and ourselves is the key to releasing those shackles, but it doesn’t mean forgetting or making excuses for the behavior. Nor does it necessarily mean a restored relationship. Rather, forgiveness is choosing not to punish or get even with the one who wronged us. It is making a conscious choice to focus on the here and now rather than on grievances of the past.

 Bringing to mind the flawed past of the person who caused us hurt helps us to forgive, as does writing the words, “I forgive you (or myself) for …” Even though I may not feel ready to forgive, repeating those words can remind me of my intent. 

 Warm regards,

Rebecca S. Hauder, RN, LCPC

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